Thursday, 29 December 2011

Aphrodisiac



The rain is severe, the scrawny looking Fulani girl huddled against herself, fights against the onslaught of the billowing rain, it is an opportunity for a bath she never finds time to take. The man beside her, her guardian is pre-occupied with his leather bag of charms, concoction amulets, powders and other mixtures and battling to keep his little kettle of herb tea from getting drenched by the rains.
The tired girl, seemly losing the battle against the rain called out to her guardian with a shudder, pleading for him to look for a place for them to hide from the rains in her crisp but trembling voice. Her guardian is pre-occupied with securing his flasks and heating kettle finally gives up and looks around for a shelter, cursing agitatedly all the time.
He looks towards a shed in front of a good looking house, a mix of different people are huddled together, each pushing deeper against the next person, trying to avoid the rain while the ones who are lucky to be well sheltered do all they can to repel them. The guardian curses again and walks to wards the shed, calling to the girl to follow him.
A rain of curses and rebuke stops him from entering the shelter, even the dirties among the shed seeker will rather not have them, constantly regarding them with suspicion and even ready to attack them if not for the presence of the dagger by his side. The girl looks to the gate that is slightly ajar and dashes into the compound, shivering, a man, the gate keeper wriggles out of the hiding crowd as a loud note of objection is raised, pointing fingers at the guardian, they exchange words in rapid fire, both pointing threatening fingers at each other. The man reveals his dagger as the guardian fingers his, the crowd looking on at what will happen with interest.
The guardian dashes into the compound angrily, yelling after the girl, swearing more angrily. He meets her in front of an apartment, shivering vehemently; she replies the guardian’s vehement command to follow him with her own vehement refusal. The rain resumes it’s tortuous down pour as the guardian attempts to take her by the hand and drag her. She cringes back at the prospect of enduring another round of showers.
The gate keeper who is been watching them with disdain hears a horn and runs back to open the gate, a sharp beam of light cuts through the drizzles of what has become of the wretched day, night is approaching quickly. He runs ahead of the car and yelling at the guardian to take her child and go away, the guardian is cursing and pulling at the girl as Ibe climbs down from the car and hurries to the porch, protective of his documents. The guardian sees the bible and immediately begins to yell at the girl to follow him, this turns into a fierce argument as Ibe casts them a fleeting glance, succeeds in opening the door and tells Ibrahim to let them be as he enters the house.
Ibe shuts the door and cuts of the feeble light from outside, the room explode into sparkling bright lights almost immediately.  He picks the television remote control as he dumps his files on the table. His phone rings as the TV comes to life, he takes the phone out of his pocket and answers it. Hi dear, his eyes still glued to the newsreel about the latest bombing on TV.  Oh, I didn’t expect you would stay back, sighs; it is going to be a long cold night but don’t worry, I can bear it, he raises the volume of the TV a bit, turning his free ear to listen as he ends the conversation.
Intense flashes of light as he turns to listen to the TV, everything goes dark, then followed by a rumble of thunder, the sound of heavy downpour can still be heard outside. Ibe opens the door, a gush of rain and wind drives him back and he shuts the door quickly. He unbuttons his shirt and trousers, pulls them off and throws them on the chair, he goes inside.
Ibe emerges, dressed in shorts and a T-shirt and armed with an umbrella, he braces himself and opens the door, pushing against the rains, and the door closes behind him. The guardian murmurs a greeting Ibe does not hear as struggles to hold the umbrella steady in the rains, he turns to his ward and rails at her for asking that the man take them inside and the position she has put them both, she only answers with her spasm in the cold. Ibe returns, wet in spite of the umbrella, he quickly folds the umbrella away and pulls a lever on the wall; the porch explodes into bright lights.
The girl exclaims and Ibe notices her shivering `for the first time, she is huddling herself so tightly that it has result to spasms, he opens the door and invites them in, the girl quickly walks in, the guardian lungs after her and pulls her back. Ibe goes back in as he hears the TV sound coming from the living room. The guardian and the girl are protesting at each other, the rains still hammering at them with a vengeance, the girl is struggling to go and the guardian is losing the battle as the rains refuses to abate, he struggles to bring out some powder he pours into a small chalice and hands it to her, she protests and the guardians starts to yell and swear uncontrollably, she takes it and gulps it in a flash and turns to the door that is still slightly ajar, she is jerked back and the guardian gives her a pouch, she is at loss as the guardian makes some explanations to her.
The door opens slowly and almost noiselessly, Ibe is only distracted from the by the gush of wind that follows the girl inside. Ibe signals for her to sit down and she locks the door, Ibe quickly gets up, opens the door and peers out, he asks the guardian if he will not come in, he refuses with a smile and Ibe enters and locks the door and he bumps into the girl as he turns to go back to sit down. She is all over him, her body arching terribly, rubbing her vulva against him, he is confused, thinking it is hunger, considering her scrawny stature, he gently pushes her aside and walks in.
Ibe returns with a loaf of bread and a plastic bottle of soft drink he gives to her then he returns to concentrate on the cable TV. The girl wolfs it down and guzzles most of the soft drink in one swig, Ibe notices and goes back to get two more bottles, one he open for himself while he returns to the TV. The next time he looks up is when the girl gives a belch; one bottle is empty and the other half empty, the bread is gone, so he takes the empty bread wrap and the bottle she has consumed away. She is still squirming under the effect of the aphrodisiac, she walks to Ibe’s opened bottle of drink and empty the a satchel into it and is she barely back in her seat as Ibe returns, she tries to comport herself, struggling like someone being weaned off drugs, Ibe notice the way she keeps glancing at his bottle of drink and he offered it to her, she refuses politely and Ibe takes a sip, eliciting a broad smile from her.
The smile makes him curious, staring at her to ascertain the reason for her behavior, she turns away shyly and he turns back to the TV, moments later Ibe is feeling funny, he takes a look at the drink and then at her, he stands up as the effect multiplies, alarmed, he steps towards the girl who recoils in fear, he takes the bottle and goes inside, he returns almost immediately, trying to control his increasing bulge. He grabs the girls and pulls her to the door; first to the exit and then he changes his mind and pulls her to the room. She loses control and wraps herself around him, tightly, working on him as they move towards the bedroom door. He stops and walks to the living room door to lock it, the girls wrapped around him, he takes her by the hand, dragging her to the room urgently, grabbing the TV remote quickly to increase the volume an then hurries in with her, his short already unbutton.
Ibe stirs from sleep, moaning, he rolls towards the girl until his hand rests on her, she is sleeping peacefully, he initially recoils, but the effect of what is working on him is still very much potent, he touches her softly and she stirs and yawns lazily and hungrily, he staggers out of the bed to and returns after a while with a plate of rice and lots of meat, he trust it at her and she starts to gobble it up immediately sitting in a chair in the room. Ibe is on the bed watching her and trying to be patient. She eats the food slowly and tiredly, but she eats everything, Ibe is almost arching, she notices and crawls to the bed and he makes a grab for her, almost smiling.
Ibe wakes up late in the morning to see the girl sleeping peacefully on the bed, he prods her, alarmed and she wakes up smiling. He tries to communicate but has to make use of signs to tell her that it’s time to go, she smiles and asks him by sign language if he will buy the aphrodisiac, he refuses politely, she becomes disappointed, she is trying to communicate to him that her guardian will be angry as Ibe reaches for his shirt and pulls out a wad of notes, she refuses, pointing that the guardian should take it, Ibe refuses and he tries to explain to him that the man will search every where in his body and find it, he doesn’t want the guardian to get it, so he takes one of her amulets around her neck and tears a slit in it, he empties the content and stuffs it with the notes, he smiles at the girl and tells her to keep quiet about it, she attempts to compensate him, but he has had enough, he gently pushes her out of the room to the door. He opens it and quickly shuts it and listens, there is an argument almost immediately, but it gradually recedes and he dashes to the room.
Ibe emerges from the ward into the sunlight, he tries to look stoic, but something is eating him really deep, he walks away towards the car as a very beautiful lady emerges from the ward. She hurries after him and gets to the car, Ibe pretends she is not there as she circles the car to the passenger’s side and makes to open the door, almost angry, she pleads for him to open the door, he did with a touch of a button and she quickly slides in, reclining the chair to hide herself. Ibe seem to be in a deep disturbing thought, looking fixedly ahead. The sun comes out in its full glory, reminding him that it’s time to go, he opens the door slowly and sinks in.
You shouldn’t have walked out on me in the hospital like that as Ibe joins the traffic, Ibe replies by ignoring her, Ibe is this how we are going to start living from now on? Nnena please, I’m not in the mood for this, Nnena is hurt by the reply, what are you in the mood for then? Why are you treating me like this? You know I hate silence; it will be better if you to stop the car and pushed me out. Why didn’t you tell me? Ibe asked, Nnena replies in a small voice, I was praying to God, hoping for a miracle. She has been hoping that she would get corrected some how, by the hand of God, she has a relationship with a guy that got her pregnant when she was in her second year in the university, he had taken her to a quack doctor who somehow did a damage on her womb that made it impossible for it to harbor a fetus.
The doctor said I should continue with treatment, I might get well later, Ibe doesn’t reply, we can adopt a child. Ibe reacts violently, I can get my own child, why should I look for the child of another, then lets keep trying, with God, don’t give me that crap, Ibe cuts in, do you think God is happy with you that you have been lying to me all these years? How could you keep a thing like this from me! We’ve only been married for two years, whatever, Ibe replies. You know I love you Ibe, I was too scared to tell you, I thought I would be healed. God! One mistake? Don’t bring God into this Nnena, just let me concentrate and drive.
Nnena is lying on the bed, her eyes glued on the ceiling, slowly dripping tears, Ibe is at the end of the bed, clinging tightly to the spare pillow, Nnena wipes her tears and walks out of the room. The alarm rings as she steps of the room; Ibe stirs slowly rises and enters the bathroom. On the dining table, Nnena arranges the meal delicately, she has already called in sick, she is going to dedicate today to make things right, perhaps the meal will soften him, especially as they both did not eat the previous night. Ibe emerges from the room, he answers Nnena’s greeting with a grunt and goes for his car key. Won’t you eat? Nnena asked. I need a child, not food, he tells her squarely, I have been eating food this past two years, give me a child and I will be filled. I will Nnena replies, just give me time; I have faith things will eventually work out. How much longer? Ibe asks scornfully, you have no womb or have you found a donor? He walks out.
Nnena rises from the bed, the doorbell might have been ringing till eternity, she had cried herself into a deep sleep and had even dreamt of holding her children and playing with them in a park. She ambles out of the room; past the food Ibe did not eat to the door. She opens is it just as the bell starts ringing again. Good evening sister Comfort, she tries to liven up. So you didn’t even want to open the door for me? She retorted, but I didn’t know it was you, I didn’t even hear it, I was sleeping. Why won’t you sleep? Which woman will have the comfort of all this and won’t sleep? Won’t you at least come inside? Nnena replied, of course I will, is this not my brother’s house anymore? Nobody is disputing that, Nenna replied. You better don’t Comforts replies as she walks into the center of the living room, I have come to talk to you as a woman to woman, you were married to give us children, not to eat and sleep, she pauses to regard her, realizes she is growing fat, adds and grow fat. Nnena is dumbfounded; she thought Comfort was very found of her. I have given my husband four, three boys and a girl and I can still give four more, if not for family planning, she continues,  so you better figure out a way to give us children. By now, Nnena has stopped hearing what she is saying, if comfort could say this, the others will eat her raw. Did you hear what I said! Comfort bellows, Nnena is jerked back to reality; comfort is almost I her face and she reels back in shock and fear. Yes, yes I’ve heard, she murmurs in fright.
Nnena folds her clothes into a bag, tears flowing freely down her cheek, he ring is already on the bureau by the bed, she is taking so few, only the clothes she bought for herself, she cleans her face, tries to manage a smile in front of the mirror, she looks odd, but she wouldn’t cry, not in front of Ibe who hasn’t touched her in four months and now sleeps in the living room. She doesn’t know if she is taking the right decision, everything is changes completely, she has even added more weight even with her constant crying, maybe it has to do with her body circle that has changed and has become unpredictable, she has made a note to see her doctor again, though she has a only yesterday. But she has to go, she is not needed anymore, it’s nobody’s fault, she should have told him her condition before marriage. Heaving a sigh, she picks the bag and walks to the living room.
Ibe I have to go, I’m sorry for the heart ache I’ve caused you, he barely takes his eyes of the television, she lingers a bit, hoping he will tell her to stay. The doorbell rings, she opens the door and a woman is there.  I’m Mrs. Adebisi, from the center for the protection of rights of women and children. But I didn’t call anybody, Mrs. Adebisi steps aside to reveal the Fulani girl with a baby who looks like Ibe except for the curly hair, is your husband at home? Who is that, Ibe’s asks from where he is sitting, can we come in? Mrs Adebisi replies. Nnena steps aside, she quickly walks to a chair and flops in as her legs threatens to give way, please come inside. Adebisi walks in with the frightened looking Fulani girl and her baby who starts to giggle as she sees Ibe who walks into the room dialing his phone, looking confused.
Ibe hangs up, shaking slightly, parading the room, Nnena’s phone starts to ring, confused he picks it, and speaks to the caller, he discovers that Nnena is pregnant to his confusing, he hangs up and walks to the living room, but Nnena is gone, he attempts to follow her, but Mrs. Adebisi who is alone with the Fulani girl stops him, just then Comfort comes in, did you see Nnena? Ibe asked, I saw her stopping a taxi, comfort replies, run after her and do anything you can do to bring her back. Comfort dashes out of the house as Ibe turns to face Adebisi who asked him if he knew the girl, he says yes to everything. Mrs. Adebisi recounts how they came about with the girl, her guardian kicked her out when she became pregnant, she had been sleeping in motor parks and relied on the money in her pouch to take care of herself until it got finished, she was begging at the park where they met her while on a sensitization campaign, she had refused to reveal the man responsible insisting that the person was not there in her halting English she has learnt the past few months she has been begging, they finally were able to convince her when they promised that he will not harm her, Her guardian was already in detention.
Comfort returns with Nnena and a crowd of people, adlibs of insults echoing from the crowd, Nnena is furious, what is the meaning of all this? She confronts Ibe, look, I have only the things I bought in this bag, the rings and other jewelries are on the table, I even left the phone. Why did you have to call her a thief, Ibe turns on Comfort, How did you expect I alone will be able to drag her back, Comfort retorted. Ibe dismisses everybody and his other relative starts to troop in. Comfort takes the child tenderly. What do you want from me? Nnena turns to Ibe I’m sorry about everything, it was stupid of me, I’m not angry, Nnena says, I might have even been in your way of happiness, it is not what you think, Mrs. Adebisi cuts in, it happened by mistake. It’s okay, a child is a blessing, let him take care of the mother and the mother will take care of the child. I want you to take care of my babies, Ibe says, Nnena replies mockingly, just get her to learn a trade or get an education, I’m sure she will do just fine. Nnena picks her bag, ready to go, the family stops their passing the baby around to stands in her way and this riles her up, if you try to stop me here someone will either kill me or I’ll kill someone, this is what you want for him, so one of you should volunteer to help take care of the child. Leave the door Ibe tells them, they disperse one by one. Nnena please, Ibe continuous, Not after four months of silence, not after four months of insult from your family, I know I’m worthless in your eyes, but I still have hope, I won’t be your baby sitter.
You are my daughter in law, Pa Amaechi says as he enters, I don’t know why you stopped answering my calls, I have always assured you, but as a woman you should stand to fight for your place. Nnena runs into his arms, but the trouble was too much papa, I was alone. You were yesterday, today everyone is begging you, it would have been good if someone had stood by you, but they would have since demanded for compensation by asking that you stay, now it is your decision, he turns to his wife and children, are you satisfied with the outcome? He turns to Ibe, you are a man, so handle your situation like a man, he turns to Mrs. Adebisi, how did this happen?
Mrs. Adebisi recounts everything that happened with somecollaboration with the Fulani girl, Ibe almost attacked her when she gets tothe part she put some aphrodisiac in his drink, he is restrained by his family.The child is already in Ibe’s mother’s arms, rocking her gently. Nnenan ispissed. Papa I have to go, thank you for your advice, but I think I have lostthis one, Nnena says.  The rest of the familyis trying to conceal the scorn they regard her with. Her phone rings as shepicks her bag and starts for the door, Ibe walks after her, your phone, it isringing, take it, you bought it, Nnena replies. It is the doctor Ibe says, hecalled earlier, you are pregnant. Nnena stops in her tracks, Ibe quickly runsto catch her as she slumps to the ground. Ibe’s mother gently returns the baby to the Fulani girl.

Sunday, 25 December 2011

BB has taking her away from me

BB has taken her from me, I could see the pride in her eyes as she quickly recharged and sent the text. In a few seconds she is activated, she wanted to test it so she called her younger sister, yes, both her younger ones has BB, she had initially declined, but she later made up her mind on it and there was even a sense or urgency for her to get it.

And quickly she added her, there was a moment of anxiety as she waited for her to receive the invitation, hope the network was not trying to be funny, okay now, you’ve been using a BB, so you figure it out she said, you have to switch it off and put it on again, the sister retorted, method of switching it off was even suggested, just open the back cover and remove the battery, you don’t need to power off first.

Well then, I didn’t think it was ideal, especially as I had done that a few minutes before, when I wanted to see if it came with a memory card. There was an argument that both of their BBs were the same, actually I was beginning to think so, she had told me the specification of what she bought, I didn’t really bother to think about it, to me all BBs were the same, but I wanted her to have something respectable, even if not regal, so she bought the version 3 of the series I suppose, but when this argument came up,

I had to believe her younger sister, she has more experience, she has been using it for some time and this would be her second if I could properly recall, and I have a friend who has the version there two and it looked like what? A curve two or what ever! These names, torch, storm, bold, curve, javelin are enough to confuse people for a lifetime. The only way the argument will be resolved was to remove the battery and check the model number, I almost protested, but for the fact that I had earlier opened it for some reason I don’t remember, I keep mum so that I won’t be indicted.

The BB opened, the younger sister realizes that it is actually a model more recent than hers, she conceded it must be the 4, since the 3 looked something else, I agreed, I had seen the three, looked like what the younger brother has, though more styles, she would have returned it any if it was discovered that she had been sold a lesser BB than what she paid for.

The phone powered as the battery is replaced, and the wait, she is disappointed, it doesn’t seem to be working, the younger sister tries to tweak it, she concedes that the software is more like the torch, not like hers, one of the signs that hers and this were not on the same level. About a minute or two later, we hear a ping, not quite like the BB ping, the first ping has arrived, even if the alert is different.

I made a point of this and she promptly hands it to me, set the sound, I want it to sound like a BB ping, I try, scrolling through sound, they almost thought I have got it, but it was the same, since I can’t find a sound like that on the phone, I left it the way it is. Then she adds her friends, one then two, the three, then a group! Then the gossip, even about me, I don’t care, it’s idle gossip, not harmful and ill intentioned. I’ll just wait for them to finish with it.

She has been all the road all day, through 350km to running around in the town, looking to get one or two things done before she settle down for the fun of watch night, as it is called, but it is not to be, she has been pinging for minutes, I’m there watching patiently, pretty tired myself, I’ve been on the computer all day, I know how these things can be, she takes a moment to remind me about the nights outing, I believe she thinks of the fun she miss with the BB in split seconds and she quickly canceled it, if you are told I’ll be going out tonight after this tiring journey, will you believe? I suspected she wanted a time off with her new Baby, I mean BB, how quick your name can sometimes be given to another, I thought I heard myself being called baby a while ago.

She begged me to urge her to the bathroom, I did, the phone was going down and she needed to charge it, her time in the bath will give the phone some respite. When she came out of the bathroom, she sat for a while, pretending it is not there, very soon she couldn’t resist the pull anymore, and I’m sure she didn’t know when or how she reached for it. Before she came back, the phone had been beeping, about 4 facebook notification and 3 BB messages, she soon discovered that her friends have pinged her BB pin of friends, before long, she is invited to a group, that was were the real issue started.

That was when the gossip started, I had to face issues, I didn’t really mind, a ,man got to do what a man got to do, her laptop was not charging, I managed to get is charging and since I have a vengeance against Microsoft games, I set out to crack that solitaire for intermediate player, I would cast fleeting glances, she was reading aloud, some have this, they can’t do that, I smiled. It was no big deal; I've lived like that. Even a computer freak gets tired with computers sometimes, O got tire, she was still pinging, or they were still pinging, she had shown some testiness a while ago, when she was yet to completely master it, now she was at full gear.

She jumped of the bed, I believe she has discovered she was committing a cardinal sin, when she got in from the bath, she gone straight for the BB, she didn’t go for her cream, the thing a woman will not compromise for anything, she quickly brought out her expensive cream and creamed her body delicately, of course I was severely warned to look away. I complied, no qualms, I returned to the game, with a resolve. Hours later she is pinging and I’m trying to finish a game. We were both tired, me, from sitting in front of a computer all day writing a balance sheet, projected income statements and cash flow analysis and she from a day’s journey. It was time to sleep.

She finally dumped the BB with an instruction to charge other phones, I didn’t want to go home, too late, we had even forgotten to wish people a traditional merry Christmas 12 on the dot, maybe we will ping merry Christmas in a few years, I’m already thing of a BB, my HTC 3g suddenly pales in the face of this, though it is equally as confusing as a BB, trying to impress myself, I had actually said something about the complexity, she didn’t even glance at me to verify if I was talking to her.

I have resigned to fate, BB has taken her away from me, even the baby I heard from the land of her dreams didn’t placate me, I used to be the center of attraction. We slept our separate ways, the way two people would mutually consent to hang a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign when they are tired. I drifted to a land far, far away, beyond the seven seas. So far away that I would never know if I bumped into Aladdin, his mat and his genie.

Some noise yanked me off the dreamland where I was trying to do many things at once, I’d have been relieved to be out of the dream, I was weary of work, but this turned out to be another job waiting for me. I had locked the door when I plugged the phone and was ready to flop on the bed. I guess she went to the door on her way to the rest room, hoping to meet the door not very locked, I guess you would understand that kind of feeling when your body is primed for release and then you meet the door locked, I’m sure your anatomy gets angry and threatens to release anyway, for spoiling its fun.

I went to the door and I couldn’t open it in the first few seconds, frantically touching everything I touched on the lock when I was securing the lock. I heard the groan, quickly I relaxed my brain and thought it through, the lock turns the wrong way to open, the wrong way means, you turn the lock clockwise to open it, even a locksmith will be confused with unconventional locks with that, especially when your body is threatening to dump something not to responsible on you. I’m not really to security conscious, but I like to lock the door, I hate people wondering in and out of the room when I’m sleeping, the faintest of footsteps wake me, just like now.

I managed to go back to sleep, before dawn, the BB was at it again, spewing what I’d call invectives, who cares how how a BB operates? Why bother tell me your network status and all that? I forced my self back, I couldn’t sleep away from home comfortably, I got up, I hated to go, I have hardly seen her. But I had to. It is Sunday and Christmas. I asked her to see me off, trying to pull her off the BB that is already pinging. She took the keys and opened the gates. Welcome to the land of mist, Christmas is always like this, the mist! That is why it is better outside Lagos,

I wonder if Lagosians will ever experience the true Christmas, even the weather seem to agree, or is it the cinder and ash cone effect of the fireworks? But they shoot knockouts and banger in Lagos too, maybe the weather will be a little different, after all, it is Christs day. Nothing as good as taking a pee by the bush nearby in the natural air, I turned as I heard the shout, happy birthday Jesus! She made some exclamation about the weather.

I had to go, she had to see me off, she stopped to contemplate as she takes a few steps, my BB! I can’t take it, the mist was a sinister accomplice, especially as she has been chased by an Hausa man this early a few weeks ago when she was traveling very early in the morning. She went back in to keep the BB and off we go, soon we are at the intersection where I had walked past some Hausa men, they had been sitting on a mat, very close to the road a few hours ago, I wonder if they though their way of life gives them right to the roads, especially when the road is sandy and people are prone to walk by the road side like I did, very close to their mats and kettle.

I asked her to go back, I didn’t want her going back alone along that same road alone. This got me wondering, what will be happening in Zamfara, what will be happening in Yobe? What will be happening in other northern states, will Christians be safe there, will they even have the audacity to spread mats in front of their houses? Hope they stay alert, this will be a good time for Boko Haram to cause some kind of embarrassment. Hope christian folks around there will do their homework on protection. I threw everything behind me, already thinking of this articles.

I got home an started writing immediately I had to so I can go to church. Then my phone rang, my baby was distraught, she accused me of misplacing her chat widgets, I was shocked I had innocently tried to push her mail and connect her facebook unto the BB server, now I have a hard explaining to her how to get them back, even though I am not an expert on BB. Her sister couldn’t even help her, I swore never to touch her BB again. Moments later she called me to tell me that she has found her widget back. I was relieved, I won’t be thinking about someone who is unable to pinging in church. She even extracted a promise from me that I’d touch the BB again.